So whats different this time?

I know to loose weight you 'simply' eat less and exercise more.  However its just not that 'simple'.  Some health practitioners say you need to follow the healthy eating chart, other professionals say it is out of date and we should eat a lot less carbs and more protein. There are so many diets and eating plans to try, for all different budgets.  There are pills and surgeries available.  There are gyms round every corner.  The health club market is worth £3.5billions and it is a failing - not in producing profit but in producing healthy people, with over 50% of people paying and not attending.    This figure does not include profits from slimming clubs or health food related items.  Obesity in the UK is rising year on year.  The annual expenditure, to get us to 'simply' eat less and be exercising more, means there's a lot more to it than it simply first appears.

In the past to loose weight i have counted calories, fat grams, done slimming world, special K and South beach diet.  I have lost weight with all of them.  I think if you follow a diet wholeheartedly then you will loose weight.  However, if the diet really worked I would not have had to re-do or try another one as I should already be at my ideal weight.  The key, from my experience, is not necessarily how you loose the weight but maintaining it.  Learning to eat for your new weight and not returning to old eating habits.

As I have quite a lot of weight to loose I have chosen to follow a fast diet plan, from past experience I find as the weeks go on with dieting, my will power fades.  Therefore I have opted for a more drastic approach to weight loss.  I am not happy dieting so the quicker I get results the better.  As I want fast results, I'm opting to go for the Cambridge weight plan.  I will be replacing all my meals with shakes/soups.  I want a total break from eating. A chance to clear my system and start again properly.  Following the plan correctly means I will be introducing food slowly and learning along the way the correct amount of food I need to maintain my weight.  I know that this approach will flag up concerns or worries, I can understand that.  However if you check it out, it is healthy and safe.  It is by no means easy.  Also when you have tried so many things and failed, when you are faced with a high number of stones to loose perhaps you would feel differently...

That will tackle the physical side of dealing with my food now the other side is more complicated... Unlocking why I eat the way I do.  I'm at the point where I have had enough, I'm fed up with being a slave to food and being a slave to 'how I look'.  I don't feel I will be missing out on anything, as I already have had my fill at eating everything.  In fact, eating what I fancied just leads me to eating more of what I fancy and there is no freedom in that. I think that freedom means eating what i like, as well as freedom to not eat.  I will be looking to the bible and God for help.  I do not want to be returning to my old eating habits once i have reached my goal but learning to be satisfied and not needing food to attain that.  I also hope to interview other women on their eating habits both good and 'work in progress'

So, whats the big issue?

This is how my weight journey began...

I was a plump baby but I did shed my baby weight and was a normal weight for a child.  I was the tallest girl at infants and through most of juniors, I grew and blossomed quickly, however I stopped at 5ft2! I am a pear shape and carry alot of weight on my thighs.  My dad used to always joke around and call me thunder thighs or make sounds like the earth was shaking when I walked.  I know my dad loves me and he was trying to make me less sensitive about those areas and to teach me to laugh at myself.  However,  I think it just made me feel like I was bad and even more sensitive about how I looked.  At 16 I was conscious of my weight and body shape, at this age I weighed 7 and 1/2stone.  This is also when I started dating my husband.

Through my late teens, I had part time jobs whilst studying and discovered take-aways.  Jon and I enjoyed trying out new food and the weight started to rise up.  When I went to university I discovered drinking and eating, really made me put on weight - whereas previously I hadn't given it a thought.  In my second year of uni, my weight went up to 10stone and I had to do something about it, so off I went to a slimming club.  When I was 21 I was 8 stone and happy with my weight.

Once I started working, the weight crept up again.  Being in an office, meals out or on the go, just grabbing something quick - usually chocolate, or a Friday afternoon treat... there was always something.  When I got married I was 9 stone.  I then fell pregnant.

During this time, I was so ill and constantly sick.  I only ate the plainest of foods.  I was also really unhappy at work for the first trimester too. As soon as the sickness stopped the eating started.  I had such satisfaction from eating especially now I could actually keep the food down.  I was around 30 weeks when the midwife measured me and said that I was very small. I was really worried, I wanted my baby to thrive so I then ate more thinking this will be good for the baby and make it bigger.  I don't think I really grasped the fact that the food wasn't all going to the baby but on me.  After I had my baby, it was quite a shock not being able to put my size 8/10s back on and now having to buy a new wardrobe at a size 14/16.  At this point I was at my lowest.  I had alot more work to recover mentally so my weight took a backseat.  I stayed between 101/2 and 11 stone.  This was my weight when I became pregnant with baby 2.  This time I was careful and so only had an extra stone to loose until I got down to my weight before I had conceived.  I then went down to my pre-pre-pregnancy weight of 9 stone.  This is when I fell pregnant with baby 3.  After I had baby 3 I weighed 101/2 stone.  I felt so gutted.  I struggled for ages to loose this extra weight but i tended to always fall between 91/2 and 10 stone.  This is the weight I was before I had my last baby.  During this pregnancy I ate whatever I fancied.  I was happy however I put on alot of weight - 3 stone. I have throughout the first year lost a stone but I want to be in a healthy BMI weight range, I'm currently overweight but bordering obese and do not wish to cross over that line!

As you can see I have a yo yo weight pattern but when I go up, I seem to be getting higher.  I realise to some of you these weight numbers may seem really low but please bear in mind that I am only 5ft2 in height and the correct weight for my height falls between 7 stone 10 and 9 stone 4lbs.  I've not been relying on God to meet my needs I've been relying on chocolate or take aways.  I've not exercised self control and I've not made the right choices but I have a choice, I can change.  As God requires us to have self-control I know that it is possible.  He is an amazing and gracious God who does not ask us to do impossible things. I can exercise self control over my food, Thank-you Lord!

The Begining

Right I've started an accountability blog - I have a confession and need help to put it right, if you look at me, you will see my problem - its clearly not a secret.  I have to wear my sin around with me everywhere I go, I can't escape it, its always on show. I have an addiction to food! Unlike other addictions (smoking, alcohol, drugs) I cannot give it up completely or go on medication to ease the 'callings'.  I need it to survive and I face it daily.  This blog is purely about my journey with food and learning to be disciplined.

If I'm really honest, I'm not happy with my weight and from a vanity perspective would love to be thinner and look better.  Thinner people look good in clothes, generally look younger and are healthier (yes I know generalisations and not always the case) but I want to write out the myths I have believed and hopefully will go on a transforming journey with you.

However, its more than just vanity that I want to loose weight.  The main promptings of this, is that I want to honour God with my body and how I currently eat, is not honourable.  I want to be fit and healthy to serve God, my husband and my children.  I am not fit and healthy.  I want my children to have a healthy attitude to food and I am not modelling it to them.  I'm also aware that as time goes on the harder it is to change your body, habits and the more your looks fade.  I need to pursue something more than just self beauty and pursue Godly beauty. I do not want to be on an endless pursuit trying to re-capture youth but be comfortable in my own skin.  I don't want to be envious of other women's looks or bodies but truly know that I am made well.

I am not suggesting that this is the 'correct' way to loose weight but inviting you along on my journey.  Its a scary blog to write as I'm admitting to a problem I try to hide away from and I could well fail.  I hope for your support and pray for Gods grace and mercy as I seek to do his will with the body He has blessed me.