Time for some new clothes

Through my weight loss - this is how I have coped wardrobe wise.  After I had L, I continued to wear my maternity clothes and bought a few key pieces that I could mix and match.  I knew I did not want to be this size so I got some basic pieces ie 2xlong skirts (as summer), leggings, some vests, longline tops and cardigans.  I made sure that they just fitted so I could get as much wear out of them for when I got smaller.  As the season changed I just added warmer cardigans/wore with boots etc.

As I lost weight, they fitted more comfortably and I would treat myself to a new top etc to mix it up.  As I got smaller, I fitted into my old fat clothes, then my pre-pregnancy clothes (at this point my key pieces were too big and were handed on) but my old wardrobe gave me lots of choices to wear.  As I lost more, most of my wardrobe was getting too big and now at the point of wearing belts with everything. 

My mother and sister are around my current weight so they have helped me out by giving me tops/coat etc they are no longer wearing.  I am now at the point where I need to buy some clothes that fit me - even my belts are getting ridiculously long where I make new holes.  I do appreciate that this is a great complaint to have! 

However its hard not to think of yourself as big, when for so long that was all I was aware of.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and couldn't quite believe those were my legs! I need to start dressing for the new on target me.  I have been out shopping but not yet found anything, I don't really like the current fashion.  Its not that I think its horrendous but its not really my personality or very flattering of my body shape. 

I think I will just have to concentrate on some correct fitting basics and slowly build upon them.  Typical though when you want to buy new clothes there seems to be nothing around!

I'm at TARGET!!!!!

I have finally made it! It feels great, I can't quite believe its happened.  I know I have worked really hard and I have longed to be here but now that I'm here I still can't quite believe it!

I still managed to loose the final 2lb even by introducing a small amount of carbs on stage 3.  I moved up to the next stage to get me ready for eating a more balanced diet - all the food groups.  Previously it consisted of veg and protein, small amount of dairy (skimmed milk). On stage 3 you introduce fruit and carbs back.  Over the following stages, you increase the amounts and calorie levels. 

I am planning on trying to do a week at each level to help with maintenance but i know this week, will be a bit harder.  Jon and I have 24hrs alone time so we're going out together and whilst I know not to go mad (my tummy is only used to eating small amounts) we will be eating out.  We're really looking forward to it, also will be shopping for new clothes as the majority of my wardrobe is now too big!!!

Under 9 stone!

It feels so good! It was so worth continuing on with the diet (after 1 week maintaining and 1 week gain of a pound) I lost 6 pounds in one week! I now have 6 lbs left to loose till I reach my target weight. I am so excited - roll on end of November!  Maybe I'll get to target or pretty close by then...

I am now below 9 stone which feels great - I haven't been here for a while and it feels good to be back.  An older lady said to me 'wow I don't know how you do it, I'm guessing by this weight loss you have finished making your family'.  It does feel really good to feel like me again.  My eldest is 8 years old and whilst I would not commit to never having anymore children I am happily flirting with the next phase of life!

Lots of comments used to be of concern that the diet would be no good for me and that it was not healthy, now its more well you won't maintain or it'll be really hard for you, as you've not learnt to cut down naturally.  I know I can't return to how I used to eat but I really don't want to be that person again.  Eating whatever I fancied just meant I wanted more and more of what I fancied.  I was never satisfied.  There wasn't an empty hole that represented an area of unfulfillment in my life, I just loved food and wanted to eat it.  I always felt hungry and loved cooking and trying out new recipes.

It does take a lot of control and discipline to do this diet and I don't want to throw away all this hard work.  I know I need to say no to food and this diet has helped me to do it.  This diet has helped me get my appetite under control and not be a slave to food. I know I am strong and I know what I've been through to get here.  I have learnt to look at food differently.  Obviously I can't tell what will happen in the future, but when I achieve target weight, I know that its something I will need to control continuously.  I guess its the same for anyone who has been facing an addiction.  I have learnt to say 'No'.  A simple 2 letterword and its been a great help.  At the moment the joy of being under 9 stone is far greater than eating my favourite chocolate bar or having take out!

The ends in sight...

I think this must be the hardest stage yet... Having maintained for a week and then put on a pound! I feel like I'm stuck.  I don't feel I can really come off the diet because if I put a pound on with eating so little, goodness knows how much I'll put on eating throughout the day. So onwards I press, hoping to speed up my metabolism quickly and loose this last bit of weight. 

The weight gain is due to introducing food again.  Apparently normal, as my body has been in starvation mode so grabs onto the food but long term can not hold onto it as I am having very low calories.

The last part is really hard as the weight losses are smaller and I have moved into healthy weight range, so I could just stay where i am.  However one big meal and I'll be back over.  I would rather be comfortably in the correct weight range rather than teetering over the edge. 

Eating again has been strange.  My stomach has shrunk and I've had to divide my meal into 2, otherwise its too much for me to eat.  I'm sure as I get used to eating again I'll be able to have this in one go.  I feel much better on stage 2 and have not felt hungry.  I thought eating might make me want to just eat more but I feel quite content on this stage.  I will stay on this stage until the begining of December (as we have too many social commitments) and this diet is not social! I hopefully will be close to target by then.  I think after the Christmas break I'll be ready to start again and get the last part off!

Stage 2

Well its been a while since I've actually eaten real food but now that I am getting closer to target and my weight has stabilised on stage 1, I need to speed up my metabolism and get my body prepared for eating food again.

Its weird, the thought of eating food again.. I guess I've been fine without it (food) and eating again seems like a hassle.  I'm worried the weight will go on, instead of off or that I'll return to my old ways...  It will also require more thinking and planning from me. 

However I do enjoy food and I knew that not eating would not last forever.  I want to learn more about food and what your body needs to survive and to maintain good health. 

I have been reading the food bible.  I have found this book really helpful.  There are so many ways to eating healthy, so many different opinions and eating plans - it can become confusing.  This book evaluates the different diets available but what I like is that it also breaks down food by groups, explains what they're all about and why you need them (don't think I'll be visiting McDonald's anytime soon, now i know about trans fats). It also explains where your food comes from, the pros and cons of organic, food for different ages as well as medicinal. This book has given me a lot more confidence to eating and I'm looking forward to trying it out - however in the mean time I'm still in weight loss mode and must press on! It will be worth it!

Side effects....

I tried on my old favourite skirt.  It usually fitted 'well' and now when i put it on it falls straight off!!! Its such a great feeling! So side effect of this diet is not being able to fit into my old favourite clothing...

People are now starting to notice the weight loss too!, well as I've lost almost 2 stone it should be noticeable by now. Another side effect of this diet is compliments!

Having lost some of my excess baggage, I find that exercising is much easier - I now can do the exercises (my davina 30min workout dvd) much easier than before and my flexibility is back!

Although I still have more weight to loose, I'm feeling much more like me again.  I can physically do things better than I previously could and my children no longer call me fat. 

It is good to be in the healthy BMI range.  I would rather be sitting comfortably in this range which is why I am choosing to press on.  I am begining to miss food now though as its been a while since i have physically eaten but I am soon moving to stage 2, where i introduce food slowly...

Blaming the Diet

I know that this diet seems an extreme measure, I know it seems like its full of health complications etc but if you actually check it out and read up about it, you may change your mind.  There are 6 stages and if followed correctly then there is no reason it should be unhealthy for you.  This diet has been going a long time.

Since being on this diet, anything that goes wrong, everyone automatically assumes its the diets fault.  I catch a virus - its the diet.  I develop an allergy rash - its the diet.  Well I caught viruses etc before I went on the diet, this is not new for me.  I have no idea what allergy I have but after a month of doing the diet I'm not sure I'd just suddenly become allergic to it??

I think I just get a bit fed up when I'm working really hard and doing something which I feel is positive for myself, for everyone to want to pick holes in it. I feel that people are waiting on the sideline for it to all fall apart or for me to reach my weight and then put it all back on.  I know there is no easy diet, believe me I'd take that option if there were, this is really hard work and I am determine to make it work.  I'm not doing it because I love Cambridge diet, I'm doing it because I want to change the way I eat and view food, I need to loose this excess weight and a strict diet is the best approach for me.  I have tried other methods and they're not right for me.

I know that they are looking out for me.  This is an unusual or drastic approach compared to the other diets which are around at the moment, however if I felt this was effecting my health and making me ill, I would stop it. 

On the sachets I actually feel quite good.  I do not have loads of energy or buzzing but just normal.  My hair and nails have been fine, my skin has really cleared up, I don't suffer with cravings or hunger pangs, in fact I just feel normal.  I keep thinking back to how I normally ate and I can't believe how little I have now and function just as well, if not better.  I don't do full on exercise as i used to before (as I do think I would run out of energy) but walking fast enough to be out of breath is manageable for me at this stage, so I do this.  I plan on increasing the exercise amount as I work through the stages.  As I feel being fit is really important in looking after yourself.

PMT Week

Oh my goodness, this week has been a killer on my will power.  I have stuck to the diet but this week has been hard.  I was kinda taken by surprise as until now I've found it relatively easy to follow and not been hungry.  I have even been to a restaurant where others have been eating and I just drank a glass of water without any problems, so this week...

Period is due, my irritability levels are at maximum and I'm fighting off a horrible virus.  I keep feeling sick, hot and cold due to temperature and sore throat.  Lots of people have commented maybe its the diet but I know what its like to be ill and PMT week is normally calmed with food.

I have been making the kids meals and could drool over the pizza as its come out of the oven.  The melted cheese, soft white bread and tomato sauce oozing over the sides, it looked amazing.  Oh how I have missed chocolate this week.  Wisper bars, with the velvety smooth texture and that Cadburys sugary chocolate taste - so good.  However I don't want to ruin all my hard work and I really do need to loose this excess weight.  I just remind myself of why I'm doing this and why its important to me.

I also need to find a way to cope with PMT without always reverting to food.  I need to plan ahead and think of healthier ways to relieve the tension of my hormones - I have started to read Girltalks PMS prep guide.  Its a Godly woman's plan on coping with hormones.  I can learn from this and will be better prepared next month!

Observations..

The second week has been harder.  This is mainly because I have gone down to 3 sachets instead of 4.  This is because its more affordable this way for us.  I'm glad I stuck to this change though as towards the end of the week I was back to being normal.

I have now completed 2 weeks on the plan and am now allowed to exercise.  I have also lost 11lbs and people are noticing the weight coming off.  This is a great feeling but I just want it off faster!

During this week, we had some people over and we had the normal cakes and biscuits out.  I sat there watching everyone just happily snacking and it got me thinking.  My old eating habits means I would probably of eaten 2 cakes and a couple of biscuits, regardless of whether I was hungry.  This meant I would of gone to bed having consumed a large amount of calories that I did not need to eat.  There have been plenty of occasions where I have eaten because it was there, rather than needed to or even wanted too. 

In the morning there was 1 left over cake and 4 biscuits.  The biscuits easily divided out to the boys but the cake I would probably of eaten, just because I couldn't stand the arguments over which son should have it or wasted the food by putting it in the bin.  I hate wasting food.  Even with my homemade bread i save the crusts for bread pudding or croutons, any loaves that go stale (very very occasionally) this is then frozen to make stuffing.  The idea of throwing food away is just awful for me but I have to learn that I'm not the bin, neither are my children. 

I am slowly learning that what we consume is really important.  Food is fuel for our bodies and starting the day off with refined carbs and high doses of sugar because I don't like to see waste, is just a different type of waste.  Rather than fuelling our bodies properly, I would choose to contaminate them.  Rather than saving it as a treat for later in the day as part of a balanced diet, I would of consumed it without really thinking about what I was doing to my body.  This diet has really made me think about where I go wrong with my food choices and how I can make changes to benefit both myself and family.

I'm so excited....

Today I'm feeling great - I can fit back in my old clothes (pre-4th child) and I weigh under double figures - only just but i'm so happy! It feels like its been a long time since I was last here and feels so good!!!

Its certainly been worth the hard work, to think if I had joined a slimming club and follwed it strictly and lost approx 2lb a week then it would have taken me about 9 weeks to be here, where as on the Cambridge its taken 4!!!

I'm now really looking forward to when these clothes are too big and I need to treat myself to some new ones!!!

The first week....

Day 1, butterscotch shake, maple and pecan porridge, leek and potato soup, strawberry shake. Managed over 2litres of water and a few cups of black tea.

It felt strange not eating but I wasn't actually hungry, just felt light headed.  I set my phone to remind me every hour to drink a glass of water.  I thought I'd really struggle with the water but it was ok.  Also having black tea was fine, i think as i only have a splash of milk, going black didn't really taste any different.  I really don't like the flavour of the shakes but they are bearable if made with very cold water and served with lots of ice.  I had a little rest in the afternoon to help conserve some energy but on the whole ok.

Day 2, apple cinnamon porridge, butterscotch shake and leek and potato soup.  Drunk over 2 litres of water and a few cups of black tea.

I woke up feeling quite energetic so tried to do as many jobs as possible.  Water and black tea not a problem and the replacements were fine.  As the day went on I felt quite fuzzy though and needed to take it easy.  On this diet you can not exercise for 2 weeks as your body adjusts.  I can feel a headache coming on but as long as I keep drinking water, it is kept at bay.  I was able to make a roast for the family etc and I wasn't drooling or resenting it.  I feel fuzzy but fine.

Day 3, butterscotch shake, leek and potato soup, butterscotch shake, mint choc shake.  Drunk over 2l of water and a few cups of tea.

I woke up feeling really fuzzy and my mouth feels like its grown fur.  I don't actually feel hungry just weird.  I decided to have 4 sachets today as feeling odd.  The water is getting easier to drink and i now enjoy it.  I had a little rest in the afternoon as energy levels were disappearing. Thank-goodness for choc mint flavour, it is actually really nice and I can drink it without it being ice cold.

Day 4, choc orange shake, vegetable soup, mushroom soup and maple porridge.  I drunk over 2l of water and a few cups of black tea.

I woke up feeling really good! the fuzziness is gone and i have energy again.  I must now be in ketosis - this is the stage when your body starts to feed itself and you feel better.  I never thought it would actually work and that you would always feel a bit groggy but it has and I'm glad I persisted. Also really enjoy the choc orange flavour too!

Day 5,Choc orange shake, chicken mushroom soup, apple cinnamon porridge.  Drunk over 2l of water

Today is our anniversary and we went to the cinema to celebrate.  I haven't actually felt hungry and I feel really good on this diet.  I am so surprised! I think this diet must really suit me.  I do get the occasional light headiness (I have quite an active lifestyle wife and mother of 4 boys) but its certainly not stopping me from doing things.  I'm beginning to discover the flavours that I like and have placed my order for next week, when I go down to 3 sachets a week. I'm in a system now.
Day 6, Vanilla shake, leek potato soup, apple cinnamon porridge

I'm still amazed that I feel fine and that I don't feel hungry.  I am a girl who likes her food.  I'm also already seeing how sometimes I eat when actually all I really need is a drink of water.  That I sometimes fill parts of my day by eating a snack or treat but actually I really don't need that.  I am finding the diet easy - which I find hard to say as I have never found a diet easy before!  I'm still surrounded by food as have to cook for my husband and children but its been fine and not tempting.

Day 7, Maple porridge, mint choc shake and leek&pot soup. 2L of water and a few cups of black tea.

Today I got weighed - I have lost half a stone! I am so pleased! Today is Friday and I started on a Saturday so not quite a full week but have decided to keep Friday as my weigh in day.  I am really pleased - the diet has been easy to follow and easy to stick too.  I have found what flavours I enjoy and am ready to embark on week 2.  This week has really opened up my eyes to my bad eating habits and to what my body actually needs.  I have also started to read up more about food and learning about food from a nutritional point of view. Previously I'd let my mood dictate the food I needed. Roll on week2! 

Count Down begins...

Right I have my lovely consultant, ready to take me through the plan and I start on Saturday 10th September.  I have a mixture of soups, shakes and porridges... In the mean time I need to start drinking lots and lots of water. On the plan you need to drink 2litres of water minimum, getting used to drinking that much will be a challenge for me as I don't like it, but I know its good for me.  There are side effects to the diet and they ask you to start cutting out sugary/carbs before you begin to help you cope better. 

Apparently the first 3-4 days are the worst and if I can get through those then I will be ok, after then your body starts to feed itself... that is when you are suppose to feel much better and have more energy. 

Its quite scarey and a big challenge for me to cut out food. I love and really enjoy my food but at the same time i'm really looking forward to starting this new chapter in my life - this is the begining of freedom to food!

So whats different this time?

I know to loose weight you 'simply' eat less and exercise more.  However its just not that 'simple'.  Some health practitioners say you need to follow the healthy eating chart, other professionals say it is out of date and we should eat a lot less carbs and more protein. There are so many diets and eating plans to try, for all different budgets.  There are pills and surgeries available.  There are gyms round every corner.  The health club market is worth £3.5billions and it is a failing - not in producing profit but in producing healthy people, with over 50% of people paying and not attending.    This figure does not include profits from slimming clubs or health food related items.  Obesity in the UK is rising year on year.  The annual expenditure, to get us to 'simply' eat less and be exercising more, means there's a lot more to it than it simply first appears.

In the past to loose weight i have counted calories, fat grams, done slimming world, special K and South beach diet.  I have lost weight with all of them.  I think if you follow a diet wholeheartedly then you will loose weight.  However, if the diet really worked I would not have had to re-do or try another one as I should already be at my ideal weight.  The key, from my experience, is not necessarily how you loose the weight but maintaining it.  Learning to eat for your new weight and not returning to old eating habits.

As I have quite a lot of weight to loose I have chosen to follow a fast diet plan, from past experience I find as the weeks go on with dieting, my will power fades.  Therefore I have opted for a more drastic approach to weight loss.  I am not happy dieting so the quicker I get results the better.  As I want fast results, I'm opting to go for the Cambridge weight plan.  I will be replacing all my meals with shakes/soups.  I want a total break from eating. A chance to clear my system and start again properly.  Following the plan correctly means I will be introducing food slowly and learning along the way the correct amount of food I need to maintain my weight.  I know that this approach will flag up concerns or worries, I can understand that.  However if you check it out, it is healthy and safe.  It is by no means easy.  Also when you have tried so many things and failed, when you are faced with a high number of stones to loose perhaps you would feel differently...

That will tackle the physical side of dealing with my food now the other side is more complicated... Unlocking why I eat the way I do.  I'm at the point where I have had enough, I'm fed up with being a slave to food and being a slave to 'how I look'.  I don't feel I will be missing out on anything, as I already have had my fill at eating everything.  In fact, eating what I fancied just leads me to eating more of what I fancy and there is no freedom in that. I think that freedom means eating what i like, as well as freedom to not eat.  I will be looking to the bible and God for help.  I do not want to be returning to my old eating habits once i have reached my goal but learning to be satisfied and not needing food to attain that.  I also hope to interview other women on their eating habits both good and 'work in progress'

So, whats the big issue?

This is how my weight journey began...

I was a plump baby but I did shed my baby weight and was a normal weight for a child.  I was the tallest girl at infants and through most of juniors, I grew and blossomed quickly, however I stopped at 5ft2! I am a pear shape and carry alot of weight on my thighs.  My dad used to always joke around and call me thunder thighs or make sounds like the earth was shaking when I walked.  I know my dad loves me and he was trying to make me less sensitive about those areas and to teach me to laugh at myself.  However,  I think it just made me feel like I was bad and even more sensitive about how I looked.  At 16 I was conscious of my weight and body shape, at this age I weighed 7 and 1/2stone.  This is also when I started dating my husband.

Through my late teens, I had part time jobs whilst studying and discovered take-aways.  Jon and I enjoyed trying out new food and the weight started to rise up.  When I went to university I discovered drinking and eating, really made me put on weight - whereas previously I hadn't given it a thought.  In my second year of uni, my weight went up to 10stone and I had to do something about it, so off I went to a slimming club.  When I was 21 I was 8 stone and happy with my weight.

Once I started working, the weight crept up again.  Being in an office, meals out or on the go, just grabbing something quick - usually chocolate, or a Friday afternoon treat... there was always something.  When I got married I was 9 stone.  I then fell pregnant.

During this time, I was so ill and constantly sick.  I only ate the plainest of foods.  I was also really unhappy at work for the first trimester too. As soon as the sickness stopped the eating started.  I had such satisfaction from eating especially now I could actually keep the food down.  I was around 30 weeks when the midwife measured me and said that I was very small. I was really worried, I wanted my baby to thrive so I then ate more thinking this will be good for the baby and make it bigger.  I don't think I really grasped the fact that the food wasn't all going to the baby but on me.  After I had my baby, it was quite a shock not being able to put my size 8/10s back on and now having to buy a new wardrobe at a size 14/16.  At this point I was at my lowest.  I had alot more work to recover mentally so my weight took a backseat.  I stayed between 101/2 and 11 stone.  This was my weight when I became pregnant with baby 2.  This time I was careful and so only had an extra stone to loose until I got down to my weight before I had conceived.  I then went down to my pre-pre-pregnancy weight of 9 stone.  This is when I fell pregnant with baby 3.  After I had baby 3 I weighed 101/2 stone.  I felt so gutted.  I struggled for ages to loose this extra weight but i tended to always fall between 91/2 and 10 stone.  This is the weight I was before I had my last baby.  During this pregnancy I ate whatever I fancied.  I was happy however I put on alot of weight - 3 stone. I have throughout the first year lost a stone but I want to be in a healthy BMI weight range, I'm currently overweight but bordering obese and do not wish to cross over that line!

As you can see I have a yo yo weight pattern but when I go up, I seem to be getting higher.  I realise to some of you these weight numbers may seem really low but please bear in mind that I am only 5ft2 in height and the correct weight for my height falls between 7 stone 10 and 9 stone 4lbs.  I've not been relying on God to meet my needs I've been relying on chocolate or take aways.  I've not exercised self control and I've not made the right choices but I have a choice, I can change.  As God requires us to have self-control I know that it is possible.  He is an amazing and gracious God who does not ask us to do impossible things. I can exercise self control over my food, Thank-you Lord!

The Begining

Right I've started an accountability blog - I have a confession and need help to put it right, if you look at me, you will see my problem - its clearly not a secret.  I have to wear my sin around with me everywhere I go, I can't escape it, its always on show. I have an addiction to food! Unlike other addictions (smoking, alcohol, drugs) I cannot give it up completely or go on medication to ease the 'callings'.  I need it to survive and I face it daily.  This blog is purely about my journey with food and learning to be disciplined.

If I'm really honest, I'm not happy with my weight and from a vanity perspective would love to be thinner and look better.  Thinner people look good in clothes, generally look younger and are healthier (yes I know generalisations and not always the case) but I want to write out the myths I have believed and hopefully will go on a transforming journey with you.

However, its more than just vanity that I want to loose weight.  The main promptings of this, is that I want to honour God with my body and how I currently eat, is not honourable.  I want to be fit and healthy to serve God, my husband and my children.  I am not fit and healthy.  I want my children to have a healthy attitude to food and I am not modelling it to them.  I'm also aware that as time goes on the harder it is to change your body, habits and the more your looks fade.  I need to pursue something more than just self beauty and pursue Godly beauty. I do not want to be on an endless pursuit trying to re-capture youth but be comfortable in my own skin.  I don't want to be envious of other women's looks or bodies but truly know that I am made well.

I am not suggesting that this is the 'correct' way to loose weight but inviting you along on my journey.  Its a scary blog to write as I'm admitting to a problem I try to hide away from and I could well fail.  I hope for your support and pray for Gods grace and mercy as I seek to do his will with the body He has blessed me.